Birthday season is upon us

Let the tantrums begin!



Jacob's birthday is coming up in a few weeks. Nico's birthday comes up two weeks later. It's a tricky dance. No matter how much I tell Nico that awesomeness will be his on his birthday it sometimes hasn't turned out that well.

The above picture is of Jacob's 5th birthday party at the park in Chicago.  A (Benjamin) lifetime ago, by the way.  Thanks again Mardee for lighting that unlightable windswept candle so that I could restrain Nico from going all Hulk on the festivities.

Here's hoping for a tear-free season!  Happy birthdaying!

To Benjamin on his Birthday

 I just couldn't love you more. 

Sweet Six Months

Today Benjamin is six months old. He was born in the wilderness of our affliction, or at least in a time of intense change and activity. Four short weeks after he was born we relocated to Provo, UT (mom and boys) and Omaha, NE (Matt) for the summer. We sublet our apartment to three nerdy University of Chicago undergrad guys and we then became very high impact guests of my parents while Matt worked at an internship.

That summer little Benji was my roommate and best buddy. I fell in love with him. Just completely. And he fell pretty in love with me. He is gentle, mild, sweet, and happy. Ben is big. At four months he weighed two pounds more than Nicholas did at the same age. He loves his brothers even when (especially when) they are being silly. He brings a lot of joy into this house. These six months have been very rich. They've also stretched Matt and me more than we thought we were able to stretch. They've also gone a little too fast. OK, a lot too fast. As we anticipate Matt finishing school this year and settling down for the longer term we are so grateful that our wild ride in Chicago included bringing Benjamin into our family.

My only complaint? He decided to commemorate his six month birthday by starting army crawling this morning. Wah.

And so, to Benjamin! We love you always darling boy. Here's a nod to the Benjamin of yester (half) year with pictures taken by our friend when he was 4 weeks old (thanks so much Amber!).







































































































And in case you forgot what this big boy looks like now in his older infant glory, here he is enjoying those big, bad brothers.

My First Born

Because of some friends who are very obviously pregnant, Jacob is fascinated with someone having a baby in their tummy. He likes to ask all sorts of people if they too have a baby in their tummy. Not many of them do...

Anyway, the other day the subject came 'round to babies in tummies again and he asked, in an exasperated way, "When am I going to be a baby?!?" I told him that he already was a baby and would never be one again. Then he said, "But when am I going to be born again?!". Now, I immediately thought that this could be a great object lesson, but I had a feeling that baptism wouldn't sound as exciting as a) somehow hiding inside mom and b) miraculously getting out again. It's like a magic trick! And if Jacob's stuck on an idea, it's best just to explore that idea rather than try to divert him. Trust me, I know.

I decided to show him the video of his birth. Jacob was born on a lovely summer evening in Atlanta. After a long and tumultuous labor we were told we had to do a c-section. I was crushed. I firmly had my sights set on a "standard birth" (I don't like the term "normal" considering my circumstances) since I was a teenager. I couldn't help but cry quietly as they prepped me for surgery and re-did (yes, re-did) the epidural. But, once they started wheeling me to the operating room I was realizing that I really was having a baby and that I had no idea if it was a boy or a girl. Great things to focus on at such a time.

The video shows me shivering my head off and highlights Matt's and my amazing conversation skills after 24 hours awake and in pain. And then he came. Once the doctor pulled his little body out Matt saw what he was and cried out, "Jacob!" The nurses cleaned him up as quick as can be and brought him to me and pressed his little face against mine. I felt like he was imprinting on me or something. What a welcome, to have his smooth baby skin, unreal, amazing baby skin pressed up to my face. I don't think I truly realized until then that I was really carrying a baby.

As we watched the video yesterday Jacob stood behind me while I sat on the floor holding the video camera in one hand and Nico in my lap. We were all mesmerized. It had been a while since I'd seen the video and felt sure that I wouldn't cry. (It had been a long discipline filled day.) But I did. Unabashedly. And Jacob gave me an inquisitive look, asked me why I was crying, and started gently rubbing my back. Happy, happy tears. With joy that this man was born into the world.



And that he's growing.














I can't believe how he's grown. How he's delighted me, tested me, loved me, and taught me. He's a wise, sweet, loving, delightful child. Full of lots of feelings, smarts and determination.



Today is his 4th birthday. Happy, happy birthday J-man! I love you, darling. I feel so grateful to be your mother.

So, today have a treat and a big glass of milk in honor of Jacob.

He's worth it.