It certainly is hard to understand it all when you have your second child. I have found that dividing my focus has been a real challenge. While I feed Nicholas (what was a sweet, quiet time with Jacob) I've got "Screamy McGiggs" barking out orders for me to read to him or get him milk or to simply put Nicholas down. I don't fault him. He's two. It's his job to be demanding and irrational. But it's Nicholas's turn to be my baby and to enjoy the attention of his mother.
When we drove to Tuscaloosa last Friday night Matt and Jacob rode with Matt's brother Garrett, and Nicholas and I drove together. We drove separately so that Nicholas could sleep without Mr. McGiggs in the car. We ended up stopping in Leeds, Alabama at a shiny, new Chick-fil-a to change him and, of course, to get some lemonade. It was like going back in time to have just Nicholas. To talk to him and dote on him and have all of my energy focused on him. Chatting with Nicholas feels optional ("Nicholas, did you see the red car?"), whereas talking (or yelling) with Jacob feels essential ("Jacob, get down from there!" or, another favorite, "Jacob, if you do that again you're going in time out!"). It made me realize just how different it is the second time around. It was a bittersweet realization.
Anyway, the reason I'm thinking about this is really because of these pictures. Snotty nose, marker on his face...and don't even get me started on those weird zitty things on his cheeks. The doctor told me they'll go away eventually. That would not have been enough reassurance if Jacob had had them, but I haven't thought twice about them since talking to the doc!
Behold, the classic second child.
Oh, sweet Nicholas, I love you baby blue. And I like your ridge runner, too!
Any advice for this confused, and a little heartsick, mother of two?
10 comments:
Sigh. My little 2nd born is now a middle child so he's twice neglected. But then my #3 baby girl has to compete with two older siblings. Sadly, the only story time she gets is with big brother or sis.
Anyway, I feel the same. On the rare occasions that just Henry comes with me for an errand, it is so sweet how giddy he gets at the exclusive attention. At least the baby gets exclusive time with us at night when the older two are sacked out.
I think you just make special time and do your best. Let the older one cry or whine that he isn't getting special treatment for a change. I'm sure it only gets harder though once the younger one can talk!
It'll be okay. You turned out fine, right?? ; )
Just remember that the oldest usually goes off the deep end and rebels, anyway. And it's probably a direct result of too much attention and pressure and high expectations.Just pay minimal attention to BOTH kids. Then you're in the clear.
I didn't realize I was so rebelious! Robyn, I just HOPE you now understand that it is not my fault that Mom and Dad took more pictures of me!!! I see myself doing the same thing with Gideon, one thing I do is I get Maddie involved with some of the fun things I used to do with her. She helps with our "preschool" classes, etc. It is easier for me because she is 5, and can understand a bit more when I ask for "special time" with Gideon.
Well Advice from a mother of 4.
I am not fair every day but I do try to be at least once a week. It seems they all take turns taking my time. Anika's report last week, Brianna doing math this week, taking Sasha on a field trip, and snuggling with Mr. Payton. They look forward to their time and they do great. But that is when they are a little older. Just do your best and they will grow and be great. and Carly I think you are so funny!
Can I weigh in? Not literally, of course! (The horror! The horror!) Think of all the face time Nicholas has with brother Jacob. That is good attention too. Don't worry about sweet Nicholas. EVERYONE will pay attention to his sweet smile and gentle ways. In fact, he'll win a baby contest one day.
I have had the same bittersweet realization with my two boys. With Tyson, I could spend all day staring at his beautiful face, narrating the event of the day to him, take a moment to explore a new tree or flower. With Preston I attempt to spend an extra minute holding him close, while in the background I hear "Mommy, I need a drink. Mommy, I want to watch Buzz Lightyear, Mommy, I need a snack, Mommy will you please tape my paper whale to the pirate ship, Mommy, Mommy, MOMMY!!!"
Tyson and Preston have both learned that waiting their turn is part of their life. But they have each other, and they love each other, and we are happy.
Jana,
I had you in mind specifically when I wrote that comment about the oldest always rebelling. You scalliwag, you! But seriously, you are like the ONE exception to the "oldest is a lost cause" rule. I think moms these days spend too much time making their kids the center of the world. Kids need to learn to wait, take turns, be patient. The sooner they realize they aren't the center of the universe, the better for them (and everyone else around them). So, it's okay not to spend every waking hour dividing your time equally between two kids. You need some time for you, too. And your kids need to learn to fend for themselves. Maybe that is just me rationalizing my lazy ways, though....
sometimes you just run out of canvas. but what a helpful younger sib nicolas is to help out a brother in dire need of something more to color. what a sport
ideas and advise ... i'm full of it these days... no but seriously - i have found with my subsequent children that heavenly father has sent them hard wired to handle the 'neglect' and sibling torture with a smile. mine thrive on personal attention - and sometimes they only get it for 5 minutes ... but they gobble it up! you're doing great - don't second guess yourself and cut yourself some slack! 2 boys is a LOT of work!! they are DARLING!
I think there are pros and cons to every birth order. I know I'm much stricter with my firstborn than my younger two. So I guess that not getting as much attention goes along with not getting as much of the "Stop that!" and "Get down from there!" I've also read articles that say that the best thing you can do for your child is to give them a sibling. Anyway, I think you're doing great---your boys are sure darling!
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